Punchinello’s Chronicles

June 29, 2009

Why the Government Doesn’t Work

Filed under: Surely a Jest? — Punchinello @ 6:07 pm
Tags: , ,

Back when I was a little child, filled with questions and wonder, I asked my pop, “Daddy? How come the government doesn’t work?” At the time, being a mere toddler, I assumed my father knew everything in the whole wide world. And, indeed he did. He explained to me the truth behind national and state politics. What it comes down to is that politicians and bureaucratic managers have a single, philosophic absolute:

A Government can produce any form of rule, law, or regulation, and no
human being alive will ever respond, in any way whatsoever to that
government action.

In other words, all government functionaries are totally incapable of grasping the idea of Cause and Effect. It’s probably genetic, because it’s been a true fact for all of recorded history.

What makes this interesting is that there’s a corollary to this rule:

Societies of human beings cannot function on their own, and require governments to produce rules, laws and regulations in order to modify the behavior of the citizens.

I know there are some sharp-eyed readers out there who’ve caught the apparent contradiction in terms. On the one hand, no human beings will ever react to what the government does. On the other hand, all government action is designed to cause human beings to react. Now isn’t THAT a mystery!

Having spent many minutes contemplating this bizarre failure in political philosophy, I’ve reached no conclusions. The only thing I can think of is that government hacks believe they can “target” the effects of their laser-like regulations. Unfortunately, government regulations are more like a blunderbuss. They’re so vague, ill-defined, poorly conceived, and badly written, it’s amazing anyone can even understand them.

It really doesn’t matter, though, how government people reconcile their own contradictions. The deeper issue is the core philosophy. ALL non-government people routinely do whatever they can to adapt, avoid, circumvent, or otherwise ignore government regulations.

So we have a situation where the government has the rule of law and the power of guns behind its authority. They can make you do whatever they say. On the other hand, they like to appear as if they’re doing whatever they’re doing “for the good of the people.”

All government action fully and completely depends on the magical belief that nobody ever will react in any way whatsoever to those actions. Remember that, it’s important! It’s a mystery, true, but still important. All of us will act exactly the same every day, until or unless a government regulation tells us to act differently.

Nobody will ever do anything unless the government tells them it’s okay to do it, or not okay. And everything will be nicely organized, work exactly the way the government politicians say it will. Nothing ever will go wrong, and nobody ever will have their feelings bothered.

Whatever conditions exist right at this moment, the government assumes those conditions are permanent. Today’s conditions, including our daily lives, are a fact of nature and will never, ever change. Unless the government passes laws to change those conditions! Take The Climate, for example.

Right now, today, this instant, government functionaries believe that the reason it’s warmer today than it was yesterday is because the human race is destroying the planet Earth. Those conditions are set in stone. Nothing can possibly change either the “fact” that human beings are destroying the planet, or the “fact” that human beings don’t care. Human beings are a different life-form from government bureaucrats.

Therefore, only the government can step in to cause human beings to change. Only the government can step in to Save the Planet (…and collect the whole set!). Without the government, ALL human beings (other than bureaucrats) will rabidly wreck the world. Without government laws and regulations, ALL of us will die by tomorrow afternoon at 3:30pm.

So we have the Cap-And-Trade tax. The government tells us that it will fix the world’s climate. It will make jobs, make money, make energy, and invent new inventions. Nobody will ever change their behavior, and none of us will in any way take the new regulations into account. None of us will make decisions in any way differently than prior to the introduction of the new laws.

And that’s why the government always fails. Like a full-blown Alzheimer’s patient, the entire governmental bureaucracy cannot figure out why EVERYthing changes within days, weeks, or months after passing a new set of regulations! They’re stunned and amazed, holding committee meetings, congressional hearings, and hiring special prosecutors. All for the purpose of figuring out how come what actually happened has no relationship to what they “guessed” would happen.

To politicians, human behavior is a complete and total mystery! If you punch someone in the face, how is it conceivably possible they might get angry, punch back, or walk away? Nobody in government knows.

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