Punchinello’s Chronicles

June 15, 2009

Who Believes Financial Experts?

Filed under: Moron Speak — Punchinello @ 6:44 pm
Tags: ,

If you actually think the news you’re hearing in the business articles is real, then feel free to leave me a comment. I’ve got a bridge for sale, good price, excellent condition! On Friday, everyone was dancing in the streets. We’d just recovered ALL the losses in the markets since January.

Today, only one, single weekend later, the DOW fell 187 points! That’s not even 1 business day! And now everyone tells us (with oh-so-wise expressions) that the recession “may be stalling.” What a bunch of morons! An economy the size of America’s cannot possibly be determined on the basis of days! If you believe that you’re hearing accurate economic information, then look at the astounding ups and downs! Days! Not weeks, months, or even years!

I’m getting to the point where I don’t believe anyone, anymore. The only thing that makes sense is that over the weekend, America switched to digital TV. If you use rabbit ears for your television, then you won’t get a signal anymore. You have to use either a converter box, or switch to cable or satellite TV.

Therefore, it’s clearly the switch to digital TV that caused the stock market to go down 187 points. No question about it. On Friday, it was the death of the guitar player from the Inkspots, Huey Long, that led a rally to push the DOW over the loss point from 2008.

I’m thinking of opening up a shop on eBay as a financial planner. Unlike other gurus, I intend to use a ouija board. That, and perhaps tarot cards. If you’re interested, let me know. I’ve been paying close attention to how many bass we’re catching out of the Illinois lakes. The lakes are getting worse and worse, as nobody stocks them anymore. I believe the money we pay for fishing licenses is being used to fly Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) to various money-raising functions. It seems to me the reason for the collapsing economy is because there aren’t as many bass in these lakes.

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