Punchinello’s Chronicles

June 5, 2009

Penske – That Evil Rotten Capitalist

I see in the news that erstwhile racing-car-team owner and driver, Roger Penske won the bid to buy Saturn from General Motors. As it turns out, buying the Saturn brand will save approximately 13,000 jobs and an additional 350 automobile dealerships.

Here’s a guy who has money. He’s an evil, rotten, miserable, disgusting business owner. He’s even worse than that; he’s a capitalist! And my-oh-my, how we hate capitalists, right?

Capitalist pigs are the dregs of the human race. They destroy everything in their path, all in the name of greed and profits. They ruin people’s lives, wreck the world, destroy the environment, and generally are very annoying people. At least, according to most of today’s modern liberals.

And yet, here’s a single individual who’s made something of himself. He didn’t live on welfare, grow up in the projects, and he’s most assuredly not a Latino woman (Or is that Hispanic? I get confused.) with better brain-power than foolish white men. No, he just went out and made some money, doing what he liked to do. He didn’t particularly try to give something back to the community. He wasn’t particularly concerned about global climate change.

In fact, as a racing car enthusiast, he’s responsible for polluting the atmosphere something fierce! He uses up gasoline, uses up resources, for what? All for entertainment. And he probably allowed advertising for miserable things like cigarettes on his cars.

So here’s what we should do. We should IMMEDIATELY ban Roger Penske from taking possession of Saturn! We should IMMEDIATELY have Congress draw up a unique law to prevent Mr. Penske from taking control of another horrible automobile company. We can call it the United States Against Roger Penske Act.

We should call up the 13,000 union and non-union workers who now believe they’re safe and will have an ongoing job and tell them they’re wrong! Nobody is safe from evil capitalists, and to protect them, the US government should disallow the purchase no later than within the next week! The hell with all those people getting jobs. Let them live on welfare, like everyone else!

Right?

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