Punchinello’s Chronicles

March 16, 2009

Cigarette Tax Hike will Cut Cigarette Revenue

Filed under: Moron Speak — Punchinello @ 3:27 pm
Tags: , ,

I’ve decided we need a new category around here: Moron Speak. There used to be a fairly common understanding of irony, foolishness, and outright stupidity. But lately, we’re apparently all losing our collective minds.

In April 2009, the federal government introduces the new cigarette tax signed into law by Mr. Obama. The point of this massive tax is to fund the SCHIP program. That’s the health care for children program, and there’s a lot of controversy about it.

We can agree that poor kids ought to have proper medical care. If they don’t, then the problems they develop during childhood will haunt us (in the economy) for decades and decades. Fine. But who defines “poor?” What does it mean to help “poor” children? Does that mean we pay for health care for “children” all the way into their 30s?

When asked, lawmakers tell us that they want to cut smoking. This new tax, they hope, will eliminate up to a million smokers already using tobacco. It also will prevent several million new smokers from taking up the habit.

Interesting moron thinking, isn’t it? We raise the tax on cigarettes because we need more money. We want the money to pay for a screwball health system. By raising the money, we eliminate smokers.

So who buys the cigarettes if nobody smokes? Without buying, where does this tax money (revenue) come from?

Nobody knows. It’s a mystery!

Well, that’s not really true. Like the stimulus bill, new money allows lawmakers to put into place permanent new programs. After the SCHIP program is up and running, there’s no way in hell it’s going to stop running.

So when smokers vanish, nobody buys tobacco, and that’s the end of the revenue stream, what happens next?

YOU will discover that your taxes are going up! “But…we can’t just abandon those chillllllldrinnnn, can we?” That’ll be the argument: If we abandon the SCHIP program due to no money, millions of children will instantly fall over dead.

So YOU will get to pay for the program in new taxes. The taxes destroyed the tobacco industry, so there’s no more money to steal from smokers. Everyone is happy because nobody smokes anymore. And children are dropping dead all over the country. We need to pay more taxes! That’s the ticket! That’s the solution!

Good stuff, Maynard! If we only had a brain!


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