Punchinello’s Chronicles

September 2, 2008

Keep ’em and Eat ’em!

If you’re a fisherman (or fisherwoman, or fisherperson), you’ve run into this inanity, lately, of “catch and release.” In its original intent it meant that certain waters were under such intense pressure by people fishing and keeping difficult-to-raise fish, that the fish were being wiped out.

As with all perverted premises, catch-and-release became the watchword for every whacko environmentalist lunatic with a belief that their world view and theirs alone is the morally correct truth. More and more, the catchy phrase, to make a pun, spread like a speech disease, losing meaning with every fool who latched onto it and became infected.

We now have mindless parents teaching little children to fish, then explaining to them that “we need to practice catch and release, sweetie, and let the poor fishie go.” What drivel! The parents and children rip the hook from the fish’s mouth, throwing it into the water, and never stop to watch it being attacked by every other fish in the area. Blood draws predators, after all, and fish are mostly fierce and competitive predators.

All this comes to us courtesy of the newest movement in modern-day philosophy, Environmentalism. It’s the endgame of a 300 year-old philosophy of Romanticism, but with a nice twist: if we can remove all human beings from the planet, the Earth and it’s wild things would be far better off.

I say Keep ’em and Eat ’em! If you catch more than you need for dinner, then stop fishing! If you don’t know how to properly dress, fillet, and cook a fish, then you have no business pulling fish out of the water. Sport fishing is all well and good, but it requires enough knowledge of fish and their biology to actually know how to catch a fish without doing damage. That, of course, means knowing how to release a fish properly.

Do these everyday dopes wandering around a polluted lake with a tinkertoy fishing poles know all this? Of course not! They’re doing what’s best for the Children! In fact, let’s help wipe out humanity and terminate ALL fishing, everywhere on the planet! Invade those backward third-world countries, and shoot anyone who actually keeps a fish of any sort whatsoever. Then we can move on to animals, and finally eliminate all vegetarians. Let’s make food illegal and justification for war!


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